Let’s talk about sex, baby

When I was fourteen years old, I was a curious kind of girl. More specifically, I was curious about the human body, luuve making and how it all works. So one fine day, I went to the public library and found a book about said subject (with pictures, yay!).

Too embarrassed to take the book home, I found myself a quiet spot in the library and started reading. And suddenly, there it was, unexpected and staring right at me: a chapter about masturbation.

Growing up in a catholic household, I never thought of masturbation – especially for girls – as a natural way to discover your body and sexuality. It felt like something to be ashamed of, not holy or good in the slightest way.

But that day, sitting in the library, I read that masturbation is healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. Halleluiah! And so, my curiosity became bigger than my fear of the unknown.

Soon after that I went back home and – slightly clumsily – felt my way to my first orgasm. I haven’t skipped a week since. But for years after that first experience I felt guilty about my new (and healthy!) hobby and never told another living soul about it, not even my closest friends. I also assumed I was the only one doing it, since no one seemed to be talking about it.

To be honest, given that I went to an all-girls catholic high school, I was probably right (or who knows, maybe very very wrong).

It was only years later when I was about 19 or 20 years old that during a summer trip with girlfriends one of my friends casually mentioned that “Of course she did it”. I wasn’t present at the moment of the Big Revelation, but when I heard about it afterwards, I was so so very relieved! Finally the subject was on the table!

And no one better than my friend to have put it there, talking about it in a very shame-free and practical way, as if it is not that different from the massage button on your fancy chair: if you have the option and it’s fun, why not?

Nevertheless, not all of us are lucky enough to be surrounded by such wonderful women, and I would have loved to have had the subject out in the open during my public library visiting days.

And let’s be honest, gender plays a big part in it as well. We all assume boys masturbate and that this is normal, yet the topic is often a big taboo when it comes to girls. As writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche once said in one of her famous TEDx talks: “We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings, in the way that boys are”. To some it even seems threatening and wrong that girls can experience sexual pleasure without men, or even experience sexual pleasure at all. They think it is only a man’s business. Well, I don’t think so! Besides, getting to know your body can only help to improve your sex life, it’s nothing anyone should feel threatened by.

So, let’s talk about sex, baby! Shame free. All of it; the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful. And let’s have some fun and not take ourselves or the subject too seriously while we’re at it.