Stress? Your doing!

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The root of all evil: life coaches who tell you to put a little stone in your pocket to remind yourself that you have to relax. Tada! No more burnout! It’s a miracle. Because of course, as we all know, we have complete and utter control over our emotions. We are all the captains of our emotional boat.

But wait a minute – wouldn’t even the best captain perish in a deadly storm? Have a hard time navigating his tiny boat in an ocean of turmoil?

It’s like my mom said: it’s a tad easier to reach Nirvana if you are a buddhist monk living in a monastery surrounded by beautiful nature, chirping birds and the relaxing sound of a Pocahontas-like river nearby, than when you’re living in a fast paced city with your four ADD-ish toddlers and a cheating husband.

And even the monks sometimes seem to have a hard time navigating their way through life, even if they are sailors in a zen sea. Recently I read the story of a man who had spent six years in a buddhist monastery, practically worshipping the head monk who was full of wisdom and kindness… and apparently also some hormones, since he turned out to be involved in a sex scandal. Maybe the monk was only semi-enlightened, after all.

So cut the crap, stop blaming people who are overstressed as if they are responsible for all the bad stuff in their lives. Stop telling people to care less. Nothing wonderful was ever accomplished by people who are dead  inside. Stop telling people to really take the time to enjoy a cappuccino during a busy, stressed out day and all will be swell (by the way, advising caffeine as a way to relax when you’re stressed; are you kidding me?)

I’m just saying I would never blame the captain if a whale decides to crash his boat – Free Willy-style

Of course our surroundings have an effect on how we feel, and it’s perfectly fine to not be able to control that. Walking on the beach or trying to cross a busy road in Mumbai? Not the same thing. And no, I don’t think we are completely at the mercy of things we can’t control either. I’m just saying I would never blame the captain if a whale decides to crash his boat – Free Willy-style.

Also, call me crazy, but I think you have a slightly better chance at surviving a storm when you are the captain of a fully automatic yacht that was a present from your daddy, than when you had to build a raft from scratch with sticks and pieces of plastic found on the beach.

It’s a very efficient way to blame the poor for being poor and praise the rich for their richness – all merit, isn’t it?

Don’t you dare say that you’re overworked and underpaid. Because if you’re poor and you feel terrible, it’s a sign that you are failing at life. And that you probably should pay more taxes. Oh, and work even harder. No. Freakin. Way. We can do a lot better than that.

Inviting some guests on your yacht seems a great way to start.

I’ll bring the chocolate.

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