Tinder: a swipe that can change your life?

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In my never-ending, tireless search for quotes on the internet, I stumbled upon one from Chris Rock that goes like this: “Women, every time a man is being nice to you, all he’s doing is offering dick!”

I can see how this is a funny thing to say, it might even be considered flattering, but it also makes me a bit sad. It’s right up there with: “If a guy is talking to you, he actually just wants to have sex with you.” Because what does that mean? That most men are not at all interested in talking to women? That the only kind of connection they’re interested in is the physical kind? That if they spent the night with a lovely girl, having great conversation over some drinks and it doesn’t end in bed, the whole night was a huge disappointment?

Well then it’s true that we are different, because I can really enjoy nice conversation, without it being foreplay.

If conversation is just the means to an end, then I’d wish we would all be more honest about it.

If conversation is just the means to an end, then I’d wish we would be more honest about it. If you really just want to have sex with a girl – any girl, then say it. Clearly. Using those actual words. Because they still don’t sell the What Men Really Mean When They Talk to Women Manual and I fear they never will.

The only thing worse than a man talking to a woman just to get in her pants, is a man who talks to a woman in a way that isn’t clear that he just wants to get in her pants. And believe me, it’s not because it is obvious to the boy what he’s doing, that it is equally clear to the girl. None of us are mind readers. If you tell a girl how great she is and that she is pretty and also casually say something about going on holiday together next month, then it might NOT be clear to her that you just want to get some. Shocking isn’t it?

These flaws in communication also seem to be a big problem on communication platforms such as Tinder. When you Google it, you will find a lovely website with the catch phrase: “A swipe can change your life”, and lots of dreamy, romantic pictures of a couple. The Tinder girl is holding a bouquet of flowers with her Tinder lover by her side, posing for a picture in front of the Louvre. In another picture they stare lovingly in each other’s eyes with what seems to be an air-balloon filled Grand Canyon-ish background. All of this seems to suggest that Tinder is the place to find a loving, committed relationship.

But if you talk to people who actually use Tinder, it seems that a whole lot of the people who do the swiping, swipe for sex, not love.

But if you talk to people who actually use Tinder, it seems that a whole lot of the people who do the swiping, swipe for sex, not love. Others, both boys and girls, look for someone to maybe start a relationship with.

But how are you supposed to find what you’re looking for either way, when it’s unclear from the start what people want from each other? Because chances are that the ones who are looking to get laid, will use the same vocabulary as the ones who are looking for a bit more. Only some of them use words as foreplay, and others use them to, you know, get to know someone.

So here’s my bold suggestion: if you are looking to get laid (nothing wrong with that), then I’m sure that you are looking for someone else who also just wants to get laid. So why not just say what you want (politely of course) and avoid all the confusion and mixed messages?

But if you’re looking to just get laid and you use sweet talk to get a girl to have sex with you (who probably will because you’re so sensitive and communicative), then you are an asshole and you deserve a kick in the nuts. Because hey: there is an actual human attached to that vagina you want to get into so desperately.

(april 2015)

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