They shoot single people, don’t they?

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Ah, to be single.

When you’re in your late twenties and single, you’re considered to be the Greatest Mystery Known to Mankind. People just don’t know what to do with you, in which box you belong.

The reasoning goes like this: “Okay, she’s not a troll. She seems relatively sane. So why doesn’t she have a boyfriend? Ah, but of course! she must be a closeted lesbian!”

Not only does your single status make you a conundrum, you’re also considered to be the biggest threat known to women who are in a relationship. On more than one occasion I noticed that while I was talking to a guy, his girlfriend was looking me up and down, giving me dirty looks, studying my every move, ready to attack. It makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong just talking about the weather. Mind you, some ladies think that talking to their significant other is already taking it a step too far.

These women act like dogs: they mark their territory using their deadly stare.

And of course, flirting is an absolute minefield. When you’re flirting with guys who have girlfriends, just because it’s fun, you immediately become an evil-boyfriend-stealing-slut. And when you’re flirting with someone who’s single… well, I can’t really tell you what that’s like, since I can only flirt with someone I’m not really attracted to or when I know nothing can ever happen between us. If I try to flirt with someone I really like, it goes: face red, sweating, stuttering and saying stupid awkward things. Real fun and sexy!

I always tell my non-single friends that they probably have the best of both worlds: they’re in a loving relationship with intimacy and sex on a regular basis AND they can flirt a bit just for the fun of it, without any of the extreme anxiety about where it is all going. To give you an idea, a sample of what goes through a single lady’s mind while flirting can consist of the following: “Oh this is actually a nice and interesting guy. Cute too. Great hair. Could he like me? He did touch my arm earlier. Does he get that I like him? But like, not in a too obvious way, I don’t want to seem needy. Oh I really really want to see him again! I hope he asks my number. Or maybe I should ask his? After all I’m an emancipated independent woman living in the 21st century” etc. etc. etc.

Wouldn’t it be nice though, if women started seeing each other less as arch enemies who all compete for the same guys? Besides, let’s face it: if your boyfriend wants to cheat, he will cheat. Your deadly stare or insane jealousy won’t change that.

And please, stop thinking of being single as a dangerous, boyfriend-stealing disease.

Another shocking truth I want to share with y’all: you will never have the undeniable certainty that your relationship will last forever. So why not try to see that as a good thing? It invites you to not take each other for granted.

And please, stop thinking of being single as a dangerous, boyfriend-stealing disease. It’s actually quite nice. Probably even more so if you lovely ladies stopped giving singles the Medusa-inspired Death Stare.

(maart 2015)

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