A love letter to all the single girls who think they have intimacy issues

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I applaud you. You are very wise. Of course you have intimacy issues, anyone in his right mind should have them. Intimacy is beautiful but also incredibly scary. It’s basically a gamble with your heart and sanity at stake, and no guarantee of winning the jackpot.

So to all of you beautiful land mermaids out there: if you are single and doing some soul searching to figure out if single means something is wrong with you: stop right now. The simple fact that you are doing the soul searching, means you’re doing A-ok.

Because you see, no unloveable scumbag in the history of scumbags has ever started his day looking at himself in the mirror while chanting: “I am worthy and deserving of love. Today I will let love in.” Trust me on this one.

Being single does not mean something is wrong with you. It does not mean you have to go on retreats to work on yourself. It certainly doesn’t mean you have a deep and dark suppressed past that is at the root of all your single gal problems.

Of course you can be single and feel like there are some issues you would like to work on, and I applaud you for that. But I’m guessing that people in relationships are not issue-free either.

Being single does not mean you are an inferior human being with huge intimacy issues. It just means you’re the one people are going to want to sit next to at a wedding, because you’re the one with all the good stories.

Let me tell you one of my deep and dark secrets: we’re all just blindly feeling our way through life. Single or in a relationship. None of us really has any idea what he’s doing. The ones who loudly claim they do, are probably the most messed up of all.

Being in a relationship does not automatically make you a better, more wholesome person. It could, and that’s one of the reasons we want to find that special someone, isn’t it? But it’s not a package deal: me + you does not equal relationship + overall emotional upgrade.

I think a relationship is a lot like a driver’s licence: having one does not automatically make you a formula 1 driver. And we all know there are a whole lot of crappy drivers out there.

So please, no more articles titled “Maybe It’s Not that You Haven’t Met Mr. Right—Maybe You Just Have Issues.” It feels unnecessarily hurtful to all the single ladies out there. Like it’s all their problem. One that doesn’t have anything to do with the kind of fellas you meet or how they treat you.

Well, it’s not. Last time I checked, there are (at least) two people in a relationship. Both equally responsible to make it or break it.

By the way, I never saw an article titled “Maybe It’s Not that You Haven’t Met Mrs. Right—Maybe You Just Have Issues.” Something tells me that kind of article would get a lot less likes & shares on Facebook.

So no, being single does not mean you are an inferior human being with huge intimacy issues. It just means you’re the one people are going to want to sit next to at a wedding, because you’re the one with all the good stories.

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